Pretend

I can pretend that I’m over it. Over you. I can pretend that my chest doesn’t tighten when I see your name. I can pretend my knees don’t buckle when I hear your voice. I can pretend my hands don’t shake and my lungs don’t stop my breathing when I see you. I can pretend I don’t lie awake at night going over the mistakes I’ve made and how things may have turned out differently had I done this instead of that. I can pretend that some nights I don’t cry myself to sleep because that’s the only way I can feel some sort of emotion. I can pretend that I don’t miss talking to you everyday. I can pretend I don’t care where you are or wonder what you’re doing. I can pretend I’ve moved on and I’m happy you’re not a part of my life. I can pretend I’m back and I’m better. But, I can’t. I can’t pretend a part of me doesn’t still love you. Those are feelings I can’t take back. Nor would I ever want to. I meant every bit of those. Regardless, I can’t sit here and pretend that you might come back and give us another chance.